Real Talk about Exercise

Real talk: I have been learning to let go. Emphasis on LEARNING lol. It’s really hard and it’s not pretty necessarily🤷‍♀️
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For me, that has looked like realizing that the stress of graduation HAS affected me. It’s easy for me to brush over my problems and struggles, especially because I feel the pressure (that I put on myself) to appear put together for this blog. I find myself believing the lie that in order for this space to have credibility I can’t struggle/show my struggle
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But, I’m realizing vulnerability can be helpful! So, here goes...
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Yes, I have struggled with recovery in the past but I STILL struggle. It looks different now. But, those thoughts do circle at times
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Exercise. I have realized that the stress of graduating and moving to adult life has made me rely on endorphins (especially cardio) and looking at my body as ways to temporarily (!!) relieve my anxiety and stress. Sure, it might make me “feel good” temporarily (which is a HUGE argument for it) BUT it doesn’t help the root issue: I am looking for something to make me worthy
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When I feel insecure and anxious, I tend to look to myself to make it better. The reality is I can absolutely never do this. Yet, I find myself trying to relieve my stress and anxiety by working out or feeling pleased with my body. That is where I struggle. Maybe you relate? ❤️
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I hope this isn’t triggering anyone, I just want to share because I am working on this (and have started seeing a dietitian along with my therapist to help me work through these resurfacing thoughts). 💫
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I challenge you to be more aware of the thoughts in your head surrounding exercise and food. Are they rooted in love? Or are they rooted in pressure? Is that what you look toward to make you worthy and enough?
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I am with you in this journey. I am not perfect, but I am moving forward. My body is looking different, but I’ve been remembering how only I really notice...no one really notices that much or cares. So, why let that make me worried? I am learning once again that sitting in uncomfortable feelings and seeing my changing body is much better than working endlessly to no avail to try and control something that is not in my hands.