Clean Plate; Full Heart
Recently, I have been feeling really empowered and confident. Not just as a person and in my body, but also in regards to food choices.
I have been feeling totally confident and content with eating until I am full (and sometimes a little past that which is totally normal)! There was a time in the not so distant past where I would feel anxiety and guilt over finishing a meal or eating a certain amount. Through learning and growing (which is not easy), I have come to a place where I believe that my identity is not found in what I eat or when/how often I workout.
It once was. But then, my plates were left full and my heart was empty. Now, my plate is empty (because I am eating the food that my body needs) and my heart is full! The latter is a MUCH greater quality of life.
In order to fuel our heart, we have to fuel ourselves--which would include feeding our body with food!
Before, a meal would include thoughts like “Is this too much?” “What is she eating?” “Am I eating more than her?” “I think this is too much.” “It’s fine…I’ll work it off later.” “Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!” “I can’t believe I did that”.
Now, my thoughts during this brunch (pictured above) were like “Holy crap, this tastes good.” Then, my mind went back to thoughts about the conversation I was having…how my life has changed for the better in the past year with sporadic thoughts like “Oh I want to eat some of my mom’s fries.” (which I did). Then, “This mimosa tastes amazing.” “That cookie looks delish...I am going to enjoy it after my breakfast because I am still hungry and it looks satisfying.”
You see, I was actually able to ENJOY this meal. My thoughts were around my conversation and thoughts of food were short and non-obsessive. My mind was not bombarded by thoughts of food and exercise. I was not seeking to control. I was seeking to just be. :)
Yes, I eat more than I did when I was very sick with anorexia, BUT I also have great conversations in which I was present and able to engage. I feel like myself! That is well worth any amount of food or weight I could ever gain.
I ask you this, "What do you value more?" Do you value how much food you eat or how much weight you have? OR...do you value your relationships with others? Your experiences with people you care about? Memories with people you love where food or exercise did not take center stage?
In the end, what TRULY matters most to you? My next question to you is: Are you ~living out~ those values??