Confident in Imperfection
The other day I was talking to my dietician about how I am confident in myself now, yet I also recognize that I have room to grow and I am confident in that, too. It may seem kind of like an oxymoron, but hang with me. ;) Our world is so black and white. Like, either my way or the highway.
Yet, when thinking about my own life (and you can too!), I realize that I don't have to think that way. I can be confident in the process. Here's the thing: As hard as we try, we will never be perfect. So, why wait until then because it ain't gonna happen.
For me personally, I think about anorexia recovery. I was telling my dietician how I've noticed myself making positive strides forward and I'm really happy and confident in that, but I also recognize that I have room to grow and I'm also okay with that. So, how do we live in both spaces??
Is is possible to be confident in the imperfection, the process, and the growth forward?
Yes. You bet your bottom dollar.
For example, sometimes I feel super confident in my body and I wear just a sports bra to yoga.
But then, my mind says, "Oh no! What if you trigger other girls/women because you're still in recovery?! You need to wait until you're fully recovered to be confident. You haven't earned that yet."
Wait a second there, mind!!
Is that thought helpful? No. Is it true? No.
Just because I have room to grow doesn't mean I can't be confident in where I am now. I can be confident in the process AND in that I have room to grow. I CAN be okay with that.
*Being okay with growth doesn't cancel out confidence in the present.*
Why not practice confidence now?? :)
What's holding you back from being confident RIGHT NOW where you are at??
Maybe it's school--you want your GPA to be higher before you can really feel confident. Maybe it's friendships--you just started a new school and haven't found your special friends yet. Be confident in the waiting, in the process. Maybe it's confidence in the words that you say or how to act around a struggling friend--be confident even in the midst of mistakes. That's where you grow. Dust off the dirt from your knees, pick yourself up, and walk on.
And about body confidence, TRUTH BOMB: our bodies are ALWAYS changing.
MYTH BUSTER ALERT: Our bodies are not meant to stay at the same weight all throughout our life. (See here and here for scientific evidence.) That's impossible and it also sounds absolutely stressful and awful. No thank you.***see below for rant/soapbox
So, I'm confident in the process. I'm confident in the journey toward regaining my body's health again. I don't have a number of weight I'm trying to reach. Heck, I don't even know how much I weigh nor do I care to ever know. My dietician, therapist, and doctor know what is best for me and I choose to trust them. I don't always make steps in the right direction. Sometimes, I feel scared and look back through rose-colored lenses. Then, other times I march confidently forward. That's OKAY.
Remember this for you, too. Whether it's another kind of recovery or whether it's a totally different issue or whether you are sitting here not understanding how this could ever apply to you.
I encourage you to remember the process is beautiful.
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**Stepping on soapbox...Side note: did you know that evidence suggest being 5 pounds underweight is more dangerous than being 75 pounds overweight?? When I was sick in anorexia and extremely underweight, I received compliments. Can you believe it? COMPLIMENTS. It makes me sick. Of course I am not mad at those who gave them. I am just saddened by our culture that would train us to believe that an underweight model is "goals" and "healthy" and that a plus size model is encouraging poor health. EXCUSE ME!? First of all, plus size is NOT UNHEALTHY. Second, where are those comments when it comes to the thousands of underweight models and actors that the world seems to love to worship. Sorry--end of soapbox.