It's about to get super real and vulnerable up in here... For those of you who don't know, I am in recovery from anorexia. It's not easy and it's not what you see on tv.
It's hard for me to talk about this, but I have been learning recently that shame and embarrassment will get me nowhere. Thanks to Jesus's mercy, forgiveness, love, and redemption, I can be free from shame.
I am redeemed.
As a Christian, I have dealt with shame because of my struggle. This isn't a Christian struggle to have. I shouldn't be dealing with this. Christians are supposed to be confident and secure. I don't know many other Christians who deal with anorexia. What's wrong with me? Why am I so messed up?
These were some of the thoughts I had. Shame. Embarrassment. Feeling unworthy.
But God, in His mercy, lavished His love on me. What does this mean? It means that when I had to leave my school in California because I was physically dying, He blessed me with an amazing mentor. It means that when I should have had many more health complications and possibly death, He protected me. It means that when my body wouldn't sleep because of lack of nutrition (too slow of heart rate), the Lord gave me strength.
I want to come out and say this because I want you to see you are not alone. If you are struggling with an eating disorder or you think you may be or you are struggling with disordered eating or you are struggling with something that gives you so much shame, know that you don't have to feel that. Jesus has takenthatshame to the cross (1 Peter 2:24).
He has redeemed you.
He wants to embolden you. He wants to empower you. He wants to use your story of redemption to encourage others.
So, anorexia recovery is not easy. I fall and I get back up again. I get confused by why I do things that I don't want to do (romans 7 anyone?), but God has never changed. HE is constant. So I can rely on Him when everything else shakes. He is my Rock. He can be yours, too.
For more information on eating disorders and disordered eating, see these resources:
*If you feel you need help, PLEASE REACH OUT! Trust me, you can't do it alone.*
If you want to hear more about recovery, let me know! I'll be posting more about this in posts to come! :)